Dog bless America

Every year around the Fourth of July, people start saying “GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!” like if they don’t their god will strike the earth with fire and lightning and destroy everything.

As someone who really, really, really loves the United States, I have MAJOR problems with this over-abundance of religious sentiment mixed with patriotic fervor.

  1. Last time I read the Bible (which was, granted, like a decade ago), Jehovah’s chosen people were the Israelites, and not the citizens of the United States (because as I’m sure you’re well aware, the United States did not exist back then).
  2. America is not the name of this country, and it’s kind of arrogant to call it that, because you’re then ignoring the dozens of other countries also located in the Americas.
  3. Religious freedom, anyone? I guarantee you if I went around saying “Inanna bless America” I’d get crosses burned in my front yard and/or threatened and/or shot. (Okay, right, no one would even know who Inanna is.)
  4. I don’t want your god to bless my country, because he’s basically a giant penis. Seriously. Everything about the Abrahamic religions is designed around inflating the male ego. I would like my country to be a place where all people—even, gasp, WOMEN—are welcome.

And that, good people, is why I say dog bless America.

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